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I had a really fucked up day yesterday, so I typed everything out to help process everything. Sorry it's a long story. ​ ​ ​ (everyone in this story is a lesbian – me, my ex, Acquaintance, and Friend) ​ Things were never 100% perfect. ​ I had a very well-paying job, living with my gf (now ex) and her (“our”) 19 y/o cat. Our sex life started off amazing in 2021. Then in 2022 we both had surgery; I was fine, more or less, but she STRUGGLED afterwards. Her results were not the same. ​ I tried my best to emotionally support her. I gave her thousands of dollars to help with other projects that would help boost her self-esteem. I held her and comforted her when she became overwhelmed. She sobbed, saying she felt like she was broken, and I reminded her she wasn’t. Tried to teach her CBT methods to help self-regulate; she dismissed it as “masking” and “gimmicky”. Got my surgeon to see her for a consultation, skipping the 12+ month waitlist. I got her in touch with my psychiatrist so she could finally get medicated for ADHD. ​ I introduced her to an Acquaintance. She got this Acquaintance a well-paying job working with her. ​ Anyway… ​ Jan 2024 – I had surgery; a week later I got laid off. ​ March 2024 – My gf got frustrated with…take your pick (her work, her body, ME – she was always frustrated). She said, “you don’t know how hard it is having a partner with no job!” ​ June 2024 – We had a bad fight when I tried to bring up my needs. We hadn’t had sex all year and I wanted us to feel close again. If you’re familiar with attachment theory, I think this is when she started to deactivate, but for all I know it may have been sooner. But after this fight, she stopped holding my hand in public. ​ Summer 2024 – she kept going out to help the Acquaintance with work. Never wanted to spend quality time with me. When we did, she was always miserable. In fact, she blew up one day, saying I never left the apartment and that she wanted alone time to masturbate. So, I started going on long walks. Started looking into volunteering. ​ Oct 2024 – Work trip to Paris and I tagged along. I cried on the way to the airport because “our” cat was 19, old, and I was sad she would miss us (cats don’t know wtf is up! It's not like she knew her Humans would be back!) My ex was cold the entire trip. I definitely felt like a burden to her. ​ Nov 2024 – Trump won, and my ex did not handle it well. Stressed out of her mind. I’m still unemployed but I ain’t no mooch. I pay my way for everything using my savings. I try to calm my ex but she’s worried about being sent to death camps. Our cat’s health is not doing good. ​ The weekend she dumped me – in the morning she seemed to be in good spirits. I said, “not right now, but at some point this weekend, can we pick a day and time to have the *conversation* about getting back into our sex lives?” She immediately grew sullen. One miserable drawn-out weekend later, she brought me into the bedroom. First words out of her mouth were sobbed into a pillow: “I am a coward.” Lots of mea culpas. She said something about not thinking we should date anymore. I tried to get answers about how long she felt this way. I got nothing. She left the room. Blindsided. Absolutely devastated. Cannot stress that enough. This was my first serious relationship and we’re both in our late 30’s; I thought I was gonna marry her. But this wasn’t her first time to the rodeo. In fact, she apparently left her ex in a similar state. ​ Called my mom, booked a train ticket, and never left the room until morning. Bolted for the door. My ex chased. In a chipper mood she said, “Wait! Wait…do you wanna talk about living arrangements? Who gets the bedroom and who gets the office?” ​ The next day, while I was gone, the cat missed me (she was searching for me, howling). She stopped eating. Had to be put down, but my ex was ready. She was anticipating the cat’s demise. I was crushed that I wasn’t there for that. I was gone for 3 weeks. Worst fucking Thanksgiving of my life. ​ Dec 2024 – Our roommate had to mediate between us the terms of me moving back in. Peak me feeling like a loser. Me and every reminder of the relationship got moved into the office, while I saw her cheerfully update her wardrobe, buy a new bed, and a latex catsuit. ​ Jan 2025 – My ex was going on trips, meeting people in hotel rooms for sex (which she blamed me for) just living her best life. Meanwhile, I was in Hell. I have to still live there and witness all of this. I started volunteering and running (which I still do to this day) ​ I also made a Friend. I told her everything I was going through with my ex. We started off as a situationship, but she didn’t want that. Stay friends? She’s a drummer, I play guitar? Sure lets jam. So that’s our friendship. We play music together and she’s on my team. Thinks how my ex behaved was uncouth. ​ Feb – March 2025 – Hell. ​ April 2025 – My ex finally moved out. Even though I resented the fuck out of her, it was emotionally very hard for me. Then I made a huge mistake: I introduced my Friend to the Acquaintance. ​ I learned what Attachment Theory is. My ex was an avoidant, plain and simple. No fucking wonder it felt like I was discarded, because I was. That’s my core wound, too. All the projection and DARVO I was dealing with. My ex fucking monkey branched to the Acquaintance. I had no idea they were butt-buddies (no wonder my ex was with her the previous summer all the time). Now they hang out and travel together, post shit of themselves together on social media. Even if they aren’t dating, they are basically asexual girlfriends. The betrayal hurts. ​ July 2025 – After 18 months of unemployment, I finally found a job at 55% reduced pay from my previous job. The Friend says she saw my ex when hanging out with the Acquaintance. The Friend doesn’t like my ex and openly made fun of her to me. ​ Aug-Dec 2025 – I kept seeing here and there on social media evidence of the Friend hanging out with my ex. I was reassured that she actively dislikes my ex, only hangs out with her because she likes the Acquaintance, and my ex is “like a growth” attached to her. My Friend and I jam less and less and less together. ​ March 2026 – Moved out of the old apartment finally. Couch surfed while looking for a new home. ​ I learned that all 3 of them – my ex, the Acquaintance she monkey branched to, and the situationship-turned-Friend who knew allllll of this – formed a fucking *band* together! So, I asked this “Friend”, verbatim: ​ “Hey, this might sound ridiculous, but are you in a freaking band with my ex? Cause if you are, it would explain why I haven’t heard from you in 6 weeks.” ​ No response. She knew how much this would hurt me. We talked about this shit before. She was completely aware. ​ I cut her out. Blocked. Its like all the healing I did last year got wiped out. The double betrayal. ​ April 2026 – I see my ex and the ex Friend together at a lesbian Battle of the Bands. I’m flabbergasted and disgusted. ​ May 2026 – I clawed my way off of the couches I was crashing on. I signed a lease for my own room…11 days later I was laid off again. ​ Yesterday: opportunities for actual real work, like a career, are so rare. An opportunity I thought I had a good shot at evaporated in an instant (2500 applications in 5 minutes). And I keep seeing my ex’s dumb face pop up here and there on social media, even though I blocked all 3 of them; they still show up here in there in my large network. My nervous system can’t take it. Its always one step forward, two steps back. And I hate coming off as the bitter one. I wish I could put the past few years in a memory box and hide it somewhere, but I can’t. I’m still actively living in it. ​ I'm tired, boss
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